How I roll this weekend

Today I drove down to little ole Eugene to put some posters up for my upcoming gig this weekend. I had just fixed the windshield wipers not long ago, and must not have secured things down properly. While driving down the I-5 South at 70 miles per hour, one of the little plastic grids above the hood came loose and flew over my Nissan around milepost 219. I didn't even flinch. I was too busy concentrating on drinking red wine, text messaging, taking bong hits, and mooning a passing School bus.

Jokes aside, I drove straight to the Wandering Goat Coffee Company in my old neighborhood to do some hippie-style grass roots advertising. I put up my posters and made some phone calls. I decided to sit down and write this for you. Before I left Portland, I had my friend Ben take the above photo. No, I don't even have my forklift certification!

The street crew has been going nuts every day starting at 7:59 am every single morning with Jack Hammers, back hoes, and dump trucks. Then on the weekends, they hide the keys under the seat and stay home with their families to do laundry, barbecue, and drink beer. That leaves an opportunity for freaks like myself to learn how to improperly operate all the heavy machinery and tools they leave behind. Why first thing this morning I fired up this big guy and ran over a cat. It came out so darned smooth and flat. But then I accidently backed over the neighbor girls tricycle and she got mad and threatened to tell her parents. Her father is a big time Portland attorney. I think I may be in trouble.. but that's just how I roll!

Speaking of roll.. here are the dates for this weekend!

Friday March 26th
Wandering Goat at 9pm (21 and over) Come out for Last Friday Art-walk!
Donation at door.

Saturday March 27th
ROLLER DERBY!
I am singing our country's national anthem for the Emerald City Rollers in Springfield at the Regional Sports Center. Why? because that's how I roll!

6:00 PM at Regional Sports Center
200 South 32nd Street, Springfield, Oregon 97478
Cost: $12 advanced $15 at the door